Another Saturday, another trip to Atlanta for me – ah, the joy of college football season. While I am away cheering on my beloved Yellow Jackets, I have asked Stephanie to fill in for me. Stephanie is a vibrant, fun girl who has the perfect amount of sass and snarkiness. I love her writing and am sure you will too.
Hi. I’m Stephanie, and I usually blog over at LiveLikeAGrrl, although I’m happy to be filling in for Kim while she’s away.
I’m having trouble finding a topic about which to write. I feel like this, being a guest post, should be good. Should actually say something, maybe even have some plot. This is, of course, vastly different than the posts I write at my own blog, which usually entail me posting the splits of my morning run, and then perhaps snarking about something.
But seriously – I have no idea what to write. At first I thought I might do a “Sorry I’m Not Sorry” post (Ex: I bought a bike I totally don’t need simply because it was pink and brown with white fenders. Sorry I’m not sorry. I don’t buy organic because I’m too cheap and I think pesticides make you stronger*. Sorry I’m not sorry.) But then I didn’t want to be too snarky or insult any of Kim’s readers. While I’m happy to insult my own readers, I thought it might be rude to insult someone else’s!
And then I thought, well, maybe I could write a post about depression, since both Kim and I have waged war against depression. But really? It’s a beautiful September day outside and no one wants to read about depression. And I don’t really want to write about it either, because the only thing worse than dealing with it can be writing about it. Writing about depression, if not done carefully, can easily sound melodramatic and overwraught. Two things I never want associated with me or my writing.**But, now it’s getting close to deadline, and I’m getting desperate. I need to find a topic. And so, I’m deciding to stick with what works for me. And what is that, dear reader? A bullet list.
Yup. I love me some bullet lists. So now I present you with: The Top 10 Things Every Woman Should Be Able To Do:
1. Change a tire. Even if you have AAA. I’m not saying you have to actually change it, but you should at least know how.
2. Be able to go from Saturday Morning Slob to Presentable for a Nice Dinner Out in under 15 minutes. 30 minutes is allowed if you need to get yourself Presentable for a Dinner with the Inlaws. Take all the time you need if the occasion calls for black or white tie.
3. Look at herself naked in the mirror and smile.
4. Be able to say “No” without giving a reason. “No, I’m sorry I won’t be able to make your [dinner party, birthday party for a 1-year-old, fund raising car wash]” is an acceptable answer to an invitation. You don’t need to come up with an excuse.
5. Survive a hangover without complaining. Come on folks. We’re old enough now to know our limits and if we drink too much it’s our own damn fault, so no whimpering.
6. Change a diaper. Ugh. I can’t believe I’m saying this. But, perhaps, like changing a tire, changing a diaper is something everyone needs to know how to do, even if you don’t actually plan on using the knowledge.
7. Write an email, letter, or any document really, without any glaring grammatical errors. I’ll let a who vs. whom mistake go, and even a few stray commas, but you should know the difference between it’s and its and to, too, and two.
8. Cook and serve a traditional holiday dinner. Something along the lines of Thanksgiving. Or Christmas. Or Passover. Or Festivus for the Restofus. The occasion doesn’t matter, only that the meal involves the cooking of something large (like a turkey) for a long time, and having to get at least 5 dishes to the table at the same time, all of them being warm.
9. Budget her money. It’s not fancy or romantic, but if you can’t live within your means (assuming you are earning at least a living wage), well, then, welcome to credit card debt. Have fun dodging the collection calls. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
10. The bend and snap. ‘Nuff said.
And now, I return you to your regularly scheduled programming. I’m glad I got to spend a bit of time on your computer screen.
* Okay, I don’t really think pesticides make you stronger. They might though. But probably not. ** Wait. I think the ship has already sailed on that one!
What things do you think every woman should be able to do?