Prompts: A health moment I regret or Write about alternative treatments/regimens/medicine.
There is a tiny scar on the third knuckle of my right hand. To most eyes it is invisible, but I always see it, and I remember the night that I got it. The night had started out like any other college Friday night – my boyfriend of 3 months picked me up from my apartment – we went to dinner, had a few drinks, enjoyed dessert, took in a movie, and spent a few hours at the local bar. Given that we had to be up early for a football game the following morning, we opted to swing by the local Krystal’s with the hopes that the burgers would absorb the alcohol in our system. 6 cheese Krystal’s later, we got into a stupid fight which ended in me slamming the door in his face, and barricading myself in my bathroom (so that my roommate wouldn’t hear my crying).
As I set on the tan rug, I felt literally sick to my stomach – sick from the alcohol, sick from the greasy burgers, sick from the anxiety and stress of the fight. And I remember thinking “I wish I could just make this feeling go away.” At the time, I thought the feeling was just physical illness. I would later learn that it was feeling of inadequacy, a lack of control and power in my own life. The moments creeped slowly by and the feeling intensified. I began to think about the conversations I had overheard in the student center locker rooms – sorority girls talking about how they’d eat ice cream and then throw it up so they could fit into their dresses for formal. I thought “Why not?”.
I shoved 3 of my fingers down my throat. The force with which I vomited was unexpected; I raked my knuckles across my teeth causing a deep gash. I covered that gash with a band-aid and a story of cutting it with a knife trying to chop vegetables.
It’s been 11 years since that night, that gash healed into the nearly invisible scar I have today. But it is a reminder of the moment that I will forever regret and a testimony to just how far I have come.
Do you have a health moment that you regret?