Redefining My Dream

This is not an easy post for me to write. I have wanted to write it for several days.  But each time I sat down at the keyboard, I would chicken out.

“What will my readers think?”

“I’m going to lose my creditability”

“People will see me as a quitter.”

Almost three weeks ago, I blogged this post where I declared that I would be competing in my first figure completion on March 23rd.  And when I typed those words..I was dead serious, 100% committed.

I mapped out every.single.workout for the next 3 months, I prepared meals, cancelled social outings all in the name of training.  I saw my body starting to change.  But ya’ll – life at the Lee house has not been good doing for the past 2 weeks, and if I am really honest since I started loosely training back in September. 

I was spending my free moments either on the treadmill for cardio, hefting weights in our home gym, or at the computer researching figure competition sights. I was ignoring the two people who matter most – my husband and my daughter. And it showed.  My husband became moody, distant, and we were fighting a LOT. My normally happy go lucky daughter was throwing temper tantrums at the drop of a hat.

Last week, I had an “ah-ha” moment – and made a valiant attempt to schedule my training around my family.  For the most part it worked.

Then last night as we sat at our kitchen table enjoying a dinner of homemade fajitas (that I cooked!), I realized something.   I was engaging in true conversation with Micheal rather than answering yes/no, or nodding while going over my training plan in my head. I snuggled on the couch with my daughter rather than heading to the gym for extra cardio. For the first time in months, I did not feel stressed. There was no ball of tension in my stomach, or knots of apprehension in my neck, and I was not only smiling but laughing

So I said all of that to say this – I will not be competing in the Iron Eagle in March. I am sure there are women out there who can balance the demands of a career, family, and training without completing wigging out.  But I’m not one of them. 

Does that mean I’ll never compete?  Of course not, it is still a dream of mine. It’s just not a dream I want to pursue in this season of my life.

Does that mean I’m giving up weight lifting? Nope.  I love lifting weights – and my hubby has shown a recent interest in lifting with me, so that will continue to be part of my routine.

So what’s next?

I have registered for Round 4 of Best Body Bootcamp hosted by the ever amazing Tina. And am seriously considering training for a half-marathon starting in April. 

I also plan on using my extra time to play in my kitchen as I try to expand my arsenal of healthy meals, take long walks with the hubby and kids, and work on this blog.

And instead of spending our anniversary in Savannah for my competition, the hubby and I are heading to a little B & B in St. Augustine where we will enjoy bed in breakfast, in-room massages, a carriage ride thru the city, and a fancy-shmacy dinner.

To those of you who have supported me while I trained – thank you.  And I hope that your support will continue as I redefine my dreams for now.

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5 thoughts on “Redefining My Dream

  1. It’s hard to balance it all. Training for anything takes a LOT of time, and families and relationships take a LOT of time, and work takes a LOT of time, and keeping a household going takes a LOT of time. There isn’t that much time to go around.

    I got smacked in the face by an email on Saturday evening, which congratulated me for running the half marathon I most definitely did NOT run on Saturday morning. It hurts to take that hit, to even postpone our dream even if we don’t completely write it off.

    The good thing is, while there is not a LOT of time available on a day-to-day basis, there IS time available in the months and years ahead. Re-arranging your priorities to suit your life in the moment does not mean you will never reach that dream. You can always re-prioritize again in the future when your figure competition dreams better fit into your life and family.

    I’m not saying there will ever come a point when it will be easy to schedule, because that is likely not true. But there will come a time when it swings back to the top of your priority list, and that’s when it will happen.

    If your priorities only serve to stress you out, they probably shouldn’t be a priority right now anyway.

    Keep going, keep doing what is best for you, and eventually you will get to the life you want.

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