Finding My Want-To

I have gained and lost weight dozens of times since my teenage years. I know my body – the foods that it feels best on, the workouts that challenge it without exhausting it, the workouts that I hate. Losing weight has never been about finding my “how-to”.

No, the journey has been a struggling to find my “want-to”. In college, I wanted to lose weight to impress my boyfriend, then to keep my eating disorder demons at bay. Post-college, I was in a relationship and happy, so I didn’t want to lose weight. Then came an engagement ring and a marriage proposal, suddenly my want to was about fitting into a wedding dress. After my daughter was born, the stress of working full-time, being a wife, and a new mom kept my weight at a low number, so I didn’t really have to work at staying healthy.

Fast forward 3 years, and suddenly I have no desire to lose weight or live the healthy lifestyle that I loved for so long. But the cold-hard truth is, I need to get a grip. For the past few months, I have been eating larger than normal portions of foods that aren’t good for me, eating in secret, and labeling myself disgusting, ugly things in my head.

All of those behaviors remind me of my days in bulimia HELL.

I have no desire to live thru that again.

So one night, broken down in mind, body, and spirit, I began to pray (IMPORTANT SIDENOTE: I am a born-again Christian, who believes in Jesus Christ*). I asked the Lord to show me how I could defeat these demons once and for all.

The next morning I found the book “Made to Crave” by Lysa TerKeurst. Here how the publisher describes this book:

“Just because a woman finally fits into her skinny jeans doesn’t mean she’s won her battle with food. Too often, women overlook the spiritual component to their physical struggle with healthy eating. Made to Crave taps into the desires God gave you to consume food without letting food consume you! Made to Crave is the missing link between a woman’s desire to be healthy and the spiritual empowerment necessary to make that happen. The reality is we were made to crave. Craving isn’t a bad thing. But we must realize God created us to crave more of him. Many of us have misplaced that craving by overindulging in physical pleasures instead of lasting spiritual satisfaction. If you are struggling with unhealthy eating habits, you can break the “I’ll start again Monday” cycle, and start feeling good about yourself today. Learn to stop beating yourself up over the numbers on the scale. Discover that your weight loss struggle isn’t a curse but rather a blessing in the making, and replace justifications that lead to diet failure with empowering go-to scripts that lead to victory. You can reach your healthy weight goal – and grow closer to God in the process. This is not a how-to book. This is not the latest and greatest dieting plan. This book is the necessary companion for you to use alongside whatever healthy lifestyle plan you choose.”
I have only read a few of the chapters in Made to Crave and already I am learning how to use Scripture, prayer, and the Holy Spirit to combat my cravings and unhealthy desires.

Do I think God is going to let me wake up tomorrow at my goal weight?

No way!

Does this mean that I can eat the chocolate, the ice cream, and skip my workouts?

Not a chance!

I still have to eat healthy and exercise. But now, it is about more than the size of my jeans, the number on my scale, or my doctor’s opinion of my overall healthy. I want to do this as a means to honor my Lord and Savior. And that my friend is a great source of strength and motivation for the journey.

Tomorrow I’ll share with you the workouts I am doing these days, and talk about the foods I am eating. In the mean time, tell me what you think? Is living a healthy lifestyle more than just a physical process?

*Please be respectful of my beliefs. Any rude, mean, or inappropriate comment will be deleted.


One thought on “Finding My Want-To

  1. I’ve read thru Made to Crave also. It is a very good, truthful, and helpful book. In the last few weeks I have restarted moving forward on my journey to the healthiest me also. I am currently reading/praying through a book by Beth Moore called “Praying God’s Word: Breaking Free from Strongholds.” There is a whole chapter that addresses food-related strongholds. The new thought that this book has given me is that without a doubt it is God’s perfect will that we be free from ALL strongholds (thoughts, behaviors that rob us or destroy us). That has increased my confidence to believe again that He holds complete and permanent victory in store for me in my food & weight battles. It is NOT God’s desire that I be fat, unhealthy or in bondage to an endless dieting cycle of failure. I know not where or when His complete deliverance will come but I can know that His will and intent for me is complete freedom and victory in Him. I pray that for you as well my friend. You are making very wise decisions right now for yourself and for your family. THE BEST way you can help your children avoid an eating/body image disorder is for you to overcome your own issues NOW! And you are pursing just that. I made mistakes in that area as a young mom and my children have suffered the consequences of those mistakes. IT IS NOT SELFISH to invest time in your own health and balance. In fact, I would really say it is one of the most loving things you can do FOR your children–giving them a home environment that promotes physical health and body image balance. It truly is more caught than taught. More often than not your kids will love what you love. And believe what you live in your home on a daily basis–not what you just say you believe.

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