Making the Committment and Remembering my Motivation

*This post will contain discussion about my actual weight, the number of pounds I’d like to lose, and other similar themes. If discussion of weight could possible be a trigger for you (as it was for me during my eating disorder) feel free to skip this post and come back tomorrow.

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150 pounds.

That’s the number that I saw when I stepped on the scale this morning.  And while it is a healthy weight for my height and build – it is on the heavier end.  Moreover, it is 6 pounds higher than what I weighed at the end of Roni’s DietBet on January 31st.  It is also 21 pounds heavier than my lowest weight in November 2011.

For nearly a year, I’ve told friends, family, coworkers, even virtual strangers that my body was “out of whack’.  That I had gained 20 pounds between November 2011 and January 2012 and nothing…NOTHING…I did would make the pounds budge.  And I thought it was true.

Then I signed up for Roni’s DietBet.  I began to track my calories, push myself in my workouts, bypass the deserts, and I saw the scale move down.  And I felt good.

But life happened – work got busy, family life got busier, I was tired.  It became easy to phone in my workouts (or skip them altogether), eat fast food for lunch rather than pack my own, swipe just “one or two” of the Hershey’s kisses in the candy jar.  And this is the result.

So it’s time to be honest.  I have gained 20 pounds. Not because my body is “out of whack”, not because of hormonal issues, illness, or anything else.  I’ve gained weight because I have stopped during all the things that I once did to lose it.  For me that’s:

  • Consuming a net 1250 calories per day (that’s calories consumed less calories burned during exercise)
  • Running for at least 30 minutes twice a week, and 60 minutes once a week.
  • Cross-training (via aerobics class or DVD) twice a week.
  • Lifting weights for 30 minutes 3 times a week.
  • Not eating extra sugar
  • Limiting (or hopefully eliminating) my consumption of diet soda.

All of those things are doable.  I have done them before – during a time in my life that was far busy and more demanding than now (can you say the early days of motherhood).  I just haven’t wanted to do them for awhile.  But this morning, that number on the scale was my wakeup call.  Half-arsing it is not going to cut it anymore. Time to get focused.

Why?

It’s not about losing the 20 pounds – although that is a goal and would be nice.

It’s because of these two people:

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My husband wants to lose weight. And while he is fully capable of achieving his own goals. It is much easier to do so when you have a partner – encouraging in your workouts, helping prepare healthy meals for you to eat, and reminding you of what you hope to achieve.

And our daughter, who will develop her body image and ideas about eating, working out, and healthy living from us.  And I want her to not have to think about reaching for the fruit instead of chocolate, to see exercise not as a way to burn calories but as a normal party of her daily routine, and to love her body no matter what the scale says.

So here I am, declaring for all the blog world to see, my committment.  I will lose these 20 pounds. I will once again live the healthy life that I was embraced.  For myself, for my husband, for my daughter.

Game on!

 

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2012 Review, 2013 Resolutions

The blogsphere is starting to fill up with posts about the year that is coming to a close and posts about goals and aspirations for the year that lies ahead.  I thought about not posting until after the New Year, as I did not want it to appear that I was just following the trend.

But 2012 was a really good year for me – and that deserves to be celebrated.  Here are the big events that made this year so special:

Yeah, 2012 was a good year. And I am optimistic that 2013 will be even better.  In years past, I wrote extensive and exhaustive New Year’s Resolutions – and then failed to meet them, which drove the perfectionist in me crazy.  This year, I’m doing things a little differently. I am setting 5 big “resolutions” . These 5 resolutions are based around the five things that matter most to me:  my faith, my family and friends, a healthy lifestyle, me as an individual, and this blog. Each month I will set smaller goals that will help me achieve those resolutions.

Resolution One: Deepen my faith and grow spiritually.

Resolution Two:  Strengthen the relationships of those that I love most in the world  – my family and friends.

Resolution Three:  Develop the healthiest lifestyle that I can. This includes embracing fitness, continuing to work on my relationship with food, and getting more comfortable in the kitchen.

Resolution Four:   Do things just for me!

Resolution Five:  Grow Redefining Kim’s readership.

What are your favorite moments from 2012?  Least favorite?  Any goals or resolutions for 2013?

Life After the Holidays

Another Christmas has come and gone. Did you have a great holiday?  I did – I spent it with my amazing family and wonderful friends. There were presents, good food, laughter, and lots of memories made.  But now it is time to return to the normal routine of work, home life, and attempting to live a healthy lifestyle.

In years past, I dreaded the day after Christmas. It would be the day that I stepped on the scale and saw a HUGE jump in my weight due to too many holiday indulgences and a lack of activity.  Then I would spend the next week beating myself up, making grandiose New Year’s resolutions, and start the New Year off in a funk.

Not this year.

Before the holidays got in full swing, I set one simple goal – to not gain any weight.  I knew that losing weight admist a sea of buffet dinners, cookies, cakes, and homemade pies was possible – but not probable – and would likely make me a Scrooge.  I vowed to listen to my body – eat when I was hungry, enjoy treats in moderation, and to move as much as possible throughout the holidays.

And I did.

And the scale this morning….shows the same weight I was last week – which is lower than what I was on Thanksgiving.

I’m happy.

No funk here.

Now I can focus on making specific goals for 2013 – that have nothing to do with the number on the scale.

 

Redefining My Dream

This is not an easy post for me to write. I have wanted to write it for several days.  But each time I sat down at the keyboard, I would chicken out.

“What will my readers think?”

“I’m going to lose my creditability”

“People will see me as a quitter.”

Almost three weeks ago, I blogged this post where I declared that I would be competing in my first figure completion on March 23rd.  And when I typed those words..I was dead serious, 100% committed.

I mapped out every.single.workout for the next 3 months, I prepared meals, cancelled social outings all in the name of training.  I saw my body starting to change.  But ya’ll – life at the Lee house has not been good doing for the past 2 weeks, and if I am really honest since I started loosely training back in September. 

I was spending my free moments either on the treadmill for cardio, hefting weights in our home gym, or at the computer researching figure competition sights. I was ignoring the two people who matter most – my husband and my daughter. And it showed.  My husband became moody, distant, and we were fighting a LOT. My normally happy go lucky daughter was throwing temper tantrums at the drop of a hat.

Last week, I had an “ah-ha” moment – and made a valiant attempt to schedule my training around my family.  For the most part it worked.

Then last night as we sat at our kitchen table enjoying a dinner of homemade fajitas (that I cooked!), I realized something.   I was engaging in true conversation with Micheal rather than answering yes/no, or nodding while going over my training plan in my head. I snuggled on the couch with my daughter rather than heading to the gym for extra cardio. For the first time in months, I did not feel stressed. There was no ball of tension in my stomach, or knots of apprehension in my neck, and I was not only smiling but laughing

So I said all of that to say this – I will not be competing in the Iron Eagle in March. I am sure there are women out there who can balance the demands of a career, family, and training without completing wigging out.  But I’m not one of them. 

Does that mean I’ll never compete?  Of course not, it is still a dream of mine. It’s just not a dream I want to pursue in this season of my life.

Does that mean I’m giving up weight lifting? Nope.  I love lifting weights – and my hubby has shown a recent interest in lifting with me, so that will continue to be part of my routine.

So what’s next?

I have registered for Round 4 of Best Body Bootcamp hosted by the ever amazing Tina. And am seriously considering training for a half-marathon starting in April. 

I also plan on using my extra time to play in my kitchen as I try to expand my arsenal of healthy meals, take long walks with the hubby and kids, and work on this blog.

And instead of spending our anniversary in Savannah for my competition, the hubby and I are heading to a little B & B in St. Augustine where we will enjoy bed in breakfast, in-room massages, a carriage ride thru the city, and a fancy-shmacy dinner.

To those of you who have supported me while I trained – thank you.  And I hope that your support will continue as I redefine my dreams for now.

It is not just about me….

Yesterday was another “ah-ha” moment for me. I seem to be having quite a few of those lately. After picking up my daughter from pre-school, I had to run my a friend’s studio to pick up a proof CD.  My daughter got busy playing with the toys while my friend and I conversed. When it was time to leave – FULL ON TODDLER TANTRUM ensued.

There were tears, screams, snots, – and the toddler was upset too. ( <–Mama humor ) I managed to get her into her car seat and headed home. As we drove past the fast food restaurants lining the road, she began to beg for French fries and chicken nuggets.  And for a moment, I was really tempted to turn in.

But I kept going, she kept crying, and I got to thinking.  I put so much time and effort into my training, preparing healthy meals and snacks to support my training, but very little time into doing the same for my daughter.

The truth of the matters is most nights she has chicken nuggets and milk while watching cartoons.  No mother of the year awards for me.  I realized that my life has become so “busy” that I am not giving my daughter (or husband) the time and attention that they deserve. While I blog about healthy living, my daughter is fed food that is barely above the “junk food” category.

And that is just.plain.wrong.

It has to stop.

So last night, instead of coming home, changing clothes, and heading into the gym, my husband and I prepared dinner together. We talked about our daughter’s eating habits, small changes we can make now, and our ultimate goals. Then the 3 of us set down to a meal together.  So, what’s changing?

  1. My training schedule
    1. Yes, I will still run 3 days a week, and lift 4 days a week. But the lifting session will happen AFTER family dinner and while either my husband gives her a bath or she has play time in her room (hubby often lifts with me).
  2. My daughter’s snacks and meals
    1. My daughter is picked up from pre-school by her grandparents most days, and they have settled into a pattern of giving her a Chicken nugget Happy Meal as an afternoon snack. Not good.  We are going to sit down with our parents this weekend and ask that they not buy these anymore. If my daughter is hungry after school, she can have a snack of either fresh fruit, yogurt, or a few other options.  
    2. Secondly, we are going to attempt to get our picky eater to try new vegetables.  I’ve created a chart that we will fill with a sticker each time she tries a vegetable. After the chart is full, she can redeemed it for a new toy or a special treat (i.e. pizza night with Mama and Daddy).
  3. How my Family eats supper  
    1. Meals for the week will be planned on Friday nights, groceries and prep done on Sunday.
    2. The hubby will be in charge of meal prep on Mondays and Thursdays (my weekly run nights) and I will take Tuesdays and Fridays (his run nights), with leftovers for Wednesday. 
    3. No more eating in front of the t.v. We will eat as a family at our kitchen table.
  4.  Less Cartoons and More Play  
    1.  After family dinner, my daughter will have about an hour to play before bath time. We will use this hour to play as a family – hide-n-go seek, dress-up, games on the Wii.
    2. On Fridays, this hour will be devoted to watching a movie or cartoon together.  I have all of the classic animated Christmas movies, so we hope to watch those in the next few weeks.

 I know that creating a plan is the easy part. Putting the plan to work is where the challenge comes in. However, I know the reward (a happier, healthier, more connected family) is well worth the effort. I am also realistic in regards to my daughter and her picky eating habits.  I do not expect her to fall in love with vegetables over night, and will consider it a victory if she will at least attempt a bite.

 Do any of your Mama’s out there have tips for me on how to deal with my picky eater? Advice on kid-approved healthy meals?  Suggestions on how to sneak in more veggies?