*This post will contain discussion about my actual weight, the number of pounds I’d like to lose, and other similar themes. If discussion of weight could possible be a trigger for you (as it was for me during my eating disorder) feel free to skip this post and come back tomorrow.
That’s the number that I saw when I stepped on the scale this morning. And while it is a healthy weight for my height and build – it is on the heavier end. Moreover, it is 6 pounds higher than what I weighed at the end of Roni’s DietBet on January 31st. It is also 21 pounds heavier than my lowest weight in November 2011.
For nearly a year, I’ve told friends, family, coworkers, even virtual strangers that my body was “out of whack’. That I had gained 20 pounds between November 2011 and January 2012 and nothing…NOTHING…I did would make the pounds budge. And I thought it was true.
Then I signed up for Roni’s DietBet. I began to track my calories, push myself in my workouts, bypass the deserts, and I saw the scale move down. And I felt good.
But life happened – work got busy, family life got busier, I was tired. It became easy to phone in my workouts (or skip them altogether), eat fast food for lunch rather than pack my own, swipe just “one or two” of the Hershey’s kisses in the candy jar. And this is the result.
So it’s time to be honest. I have gained 20 pounds. Not because my body is “out of whack”, not because of hormonal issues, illness, or anything else. I’ve gained weight because I have stopped during all the things that I once did to lose it. For me that’s:
- Consuming a net 1250 calories per day (that’s calories consumed less calories burned during exercise)
- Running for at least 30 minutes twice a week, and 60 minutes once a week.
- Cross-training (via aerobics class or DVD) twice a week.
- Lifting weights for 30 minutes 3 times a week.
- Not eating extra sugar
- Limiting (or hopefully eliminating) my consumption of diet soda.
All of those things are doable. I have done them before – during a time in my life that was far busy and more demanding than now (can you say the early days of motherhood). I just haven’t wanted to do them for awhile. But this morning, that number on the scale was my wakeup call. Half-arsing it is not going to cut it anymore. Time to get focused.
It’s not about losing the 20 pounds – although that is a goal and would be nice.
It’s because of these two people:
My husband wants to lose weight. And while he is fully capable of achieving his own goals. It is much easier to do so when you have a partner – encouraging in your workouts, helping prepare healthy meals for you to eat, and reminding you of what you hope to achieve.
And our daughter, who will develop her body image and ideas about eating, working out, and healthy living from us. And I want her to not have to think about reaching for the fruit instead of chocolate, to see exercise not as a way to burn calories but as a normal party of her daily routine, and to love her body no matter what the scale says.
So here I am, declaring for all the blog world to see, my committment. I will lose these 20 pounds. I will once again live the healthy life that I was embraced. For myself, for my husband, for my daughter.